Thomas Swartz Jordan, Jr.
January 19, 1947 – March 18, 2009
A year ago today, my children lost their Dad. Their relationships with him had always been up and down, but thankfully, before he died, all things were laid to rest.
On December 19, my son, TJ put a post on his blog named, “Hands of the Father”. It was a tribute to his Dad and spoke a lot about the traits Tommy had passed on to him and Raymond.
This is my response to TJ’s post: “Early Saturday morning, after listening to the wind howl all night, I decided to give up the losing battle of getting any sleep and get up. Naturally I went to the computer as I usually do first thing. I saw TJ had made a new post on his blog. As I started to read, the tears began to flow. TJ and Ray’s dad and I had a very eventful and sometimes explosive marriage. We both had very strong personalities and often those personalities collided. I loved him, but I couldn’t live with him. I hate to admit we did not remain friends after we separated and our 2 sons suffered the consequences. But, thankfully, in August 2008, Tommy and I settled our differences and when he passed away in March 2009, I am glad to say we were friends.
TJ, your recent post is a beautiful tribute to your Dad. You are right about him; he was a craftsman in his work. A lot of houses in Dare County, his home for most of his years, proudly display his craftsmanship. He was an awesome cabinet maker. He didn’t have the fancy tools or education to draw circles, angles, etc. He had a lot of imagination and wasn’t afraid to use it in his cabinet making. His father, Lucky Jordan, was another craftsman and Tommy learned a lot from him. Your granddad had one of the most respected names in the construction business. I have seen Tommy take a pizza pan, his tool of choice, to make circles, arcs, openings in doors and designs on cabinets. He also used glasses, cups, anything that happened to be lying around and had the arc or angle he needed. A prospective customer could show him a picture of what he wanted and where he wanted it to go in the house and that’s all it took. Soon that particular item was complete. After both you and Ray were born, I was fortunate to be able to work at home the first year and I spent many happy hours working in the shop with him. In fact, looking back, those were probably our happiest times together. Because…we were together. He taught me a lot in those days. I learned to use most of the tools but never acquired any confidence with the router. It just turned too fast. But the band saw was my favorite toy. Note, I didn’t say tool, because to me it was the neatest toy ever. Papa Jordan taught me to replace the blade after getting tired of changing it for me. I quickly learned, the hard way, not to cut the angles too sharply and not get the blade in a bind because the cost of those blades came out of my pocket. Buster at Beach Hardware next to the shop learned to keep a good inventory of that blade.
Your post reminded me of some of the good times Tommy and I had. It reminded me that our marriage wasn’t all bad. After all, you and Ray are a result of that union and I will never be sorry for the gift of you guys. Tommy and I had our differences, but he was a craftsman in his woodworking. I am so glad his talent has been preserved in you and I am glad you are using that talent. When I look at yours and Ray’s hand, I am very much reminded of your Dad’s. I always thought he had beautiful hands. They could be hard as stone when necessary, but they could also be so very tender.”
The picture of Tommy above was taken Christmas of 1976. We lived in a small apartment across the hall from his Mom and Dad. This is the Tommy most of the people in Dare County will remember. Tommy spent most of his life in Dare County, from the time he was a small boy until the summer of 1994. He was making the last trip back to Dare County to get the last of his belongings the weekend his Daddy died. He had moved to Murphy, NC. He made a big move – from the seashore to the mountains. There he met Becky, they were married and they had a daughter, Tommielynn. They later moved to Georgia and that’s where Tommy was living when he died.
Tommy’s life was often hard and most of the time, through his own making. He and Raymond are very much alike when it comes to personality. They did not get along well and were not very forgiving of each other. They didn’t have much to do with each other for a long while. Raymond made the decision in 2008 to move to Alaska. He knew at that time that his Dad’s cancer had returned and that he was dying. We had a long talk and he decided to go to Alaska by way of Georgia. He got there late Thursday and stayed for a few days. Not long after he left, Tommy called me to let me know Raymond was on the road again and how happy he was that Raymond had come to visit with him. He was crying when he hung up the phone. Not long after that, the phone rung again and this time it was Raymond, calling to let me know that he was on the road again. When I asked how the visit had gone, he said he was very glad he had taken the time to go. His comment was “for the first time in years, I have a Dad”. It’s a real shame they lost all those years, but I am so thankful that they were able to finally put all the bad things behind them and be Dad and son again.
TJ and Tommy got along pretty well most of the time. They are also alike in a lot of ways. TJ has a lot of Tommy’s traits. He lived with his Dad for several years. It broke my heart the day I got the phone call from Tommy telling me TJ wanted to live with him. When I hung up the phone, I just screamed at the top of my lungs until I couldn’t scream any more. Tommy and TJ were close just like Raymond and I were close. Most of the time it happens that way; the baby in the family is closer to the Mom.
Tommy and his sister, Lynda, were estranged for a while also. Lynda went to visit him not too long before he died and thankfully, they were also able to reconcile and become friends again.
This picture was taken in 2006. TJ and Raymond had gone down to spend a little time with Tommy and give him a hand with his work. I think TJ’s girlfriend, April, also went with them. They had a great time. Hannah, TJ’s daughter, also got to meet her granddad at this time. She was very impressed with the idea of shooting guns. Every time one of the adults got a free minute or two, they had to go outside with Hannah and Tommielynn so they could shoot. Hannah became a real “Annie Oakley” on that trip.
This is the Tommy I became friends with when I went to visit in 2008. I will always be grateful to Becky for giving us the time to talk and put all the bad times behind us. Both of us had gotten saved and it nice to be able to forgive each other and know that we would see each other again one day. Tommy had been married several times but I feel like Becky was the woman that made the most difference in Tommy’s life. I know Tommy loved me, in his own way, but he was always looking for something else. Always…..until Becky. Whatever it was he had been looking for…..he had finally found it.
I wanted to dedicate this post to Tommy, not to brag on our relationship or to take anything away from his relationship with Becky. I wanted to do it for our sons. They loved their Dad and they miss him very much.
So, Tommy, I know you are looking down on all of us. Be proud of our boys. They’ve both made mistakes and will again, but they are good men. TJ has met the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. And I know Raymond will find the right girl too. I love my boys and am very proud of them.
I hope, by this time, you have met my Daddy and Mama, and my brother, Ronald. I am jealous that you have met our grandson, Raymond, before I did. I think of him often. Rock him and give him a kiss from me.
