Testing

This is a test post to see if RSS Graffiti has properly imported the new posts to Mom's wall. I'll delete this post later.

May 19, 1981

Thirty years ago – WOW – it doesn’t seem possible. You might wonder what I am talking about. I want to share something very special to me in this email. My youngest son, Ray, is 30 years old today. It seems like only yesterday. Thirty years – it is a reminder of how old I am. I was 32 when Ray was born. It was an extremely hard labor; not very long, but very hard. I really struggled to get him into this world and it seems a lot of his life since then has been a struggle. He’s always had to fight for his place in life. Some of the struggles have been of his own making and he will readily admit it. But a lot of them were because of other people and other situations. I have seen him struggle with emotions and feeling like it wasn’t “manly” to cry. I’ve seen him hurt and know I couldn’t do anything to ease the hurt. No parent wants to see their children hurt. It breaks our heart. But, sometimes it happens. I tried to raise him to be a good person, to be respectful of other people, to be a loving and kind man. I tried to teach him to respect women and never treat them badly. I think he’s turned out to be a pretty good young man. He has a heart big as all outdoors.

I want to share some pictures with you – from his birth to my most recent picture of him taken in June 2010. I hope you enjoy them. Just consider them a Mom’s nostalgic journey and if you don’t want to travel with me, you can just close this email and go on with your day.

I went into labor about 4:00 on May 18. Ray was born about 4:00 May 19. I was confined to bed when I was seven months pregnant and was staying with my Mama while Tommy was working in Delaware. Dr. Baker told me Ray had the widest shoulders of any baby he had ever delivered. At one point I was told if I couldn’t bring him into this world pretty soon, they would have to break his collar bones. Needless to say, that was all it took and he came into this world screaming at the top of his lungs.

Professional pix taken at hospital.

This was the first professional picture.

This is my Mama's favorite pix.

Ray and “Wuver”, my Mama.

What beautiful curls. His daddy got so tired of hearing

"what a beautiful little girl"......

Ray went from curls to "GI"

On the beach at Pink Shell Cottages.

Ray lost his 2 bottom teeth when he

pulled his play pen over on himself.

Not sure which birthday-but really good cake.

The overalls are hand-me-downs from TJ.

Matador in school program.

Murphy High School Band.

Rodeo day at Roanoke Island Baptist Church.

RIBC album picture.

Family reunion at Midway.

Maggie Valley zoo – yes, that it a snake.

Dare Day wearing "Muver's" glasses.

Check out the eyebrows.

One of the original "cone heads".

GI Joe kitty.

Beach picture behind Pink Shell.

Halloween.

Who wouldn't love that face?

Ocracoke visit with Aunt Sallie Nunemaker.

Mother's Day 2008.

He came to Church with me that morning and

we went to lunch with Charles and Candi after services.

He left for Alaska in June.

Taken shortly after leaving Manns Harbor-Alaska bound!

Hannah and Ray - June 2010. She visited him in Alaska when she

went on a mission trip with her Church. Not sure what I think

about the long hair!

I hope you enjoyed these pictures. Of course, I have hundreds to choose from but just wanted to share some with you. I’m sure he will be ready to kill me when he sees this post. I love Ray and miss him very much. I hope he has a wonderful 30th. birthday. I wish TJ and I could be there to enjoy it with him.

Brenda

Happy Mother's Day

Today I am going to do something a little different for my email.  On May 20, 2009, I sent the following email to my sons, TJ and Ray.  Ray was living in Alaska, moved there in 2008 and I can’t remember if TJ was in Greenville and just couldn’t get home or if he was in Libya, Africa. 

 

“Hey Guys,

 

I know you are wondering why Mom is sending you an email with the subject “Happy Mother’s Day”.  She’s already talked to us;  we’ve already told her we love her and she said she loves us. So…..what gives?

 

Well, we had a really great sermon at Church this morning about our jobs as “Mothers”.  Also, I have been working on the devotion I am going to be presenting next Saturday  to the ladies at Church.  I have been preparing a lot of info. to give the ladies – some serious things, some funny things, etc.

 

As I have been typing these things, naturally I have been re-reading them.  Some of them have brought so many things back to me about the kind of Mother I was when you two were growing up.  I know your childhood was not the easiest in the world.  I was really hard on you at times; thinking I was doing the right thing; but knowing now that I wasn’t.  I gave you all the material things that I could afford.  You had most of the things that your friends had.

 

But, I look back now (and this is not the first time I have done this) and realize that the most important thing I could have given you, I withheld – MYSELF.  I was jealous of my time because I never seemed to have enough of it.  I had to fight to get your Dad or your Jordan grandparents to watch you for even a little while and I know I became resentful of that.

 

After listening to Charles’ message this morning, I absolutely know that I was not the example I should have been.  Of course, for a lot of that time I was not a Christian.  I did a lot of things I am ashamed of and things I know you were probably ashamed of too. And  I am sorry for those things.  If I could go back and change things, I would.  But, I can’t.  I can only go on from here and try to be the best Christian Mom I can be.  I know you are adults now, but I still need to be the Christian example.

 

Both of you have always said, “I love you” very easily.  And so do I.  It’s very easy to say “I love you” and the other person respond “I love you, too”.  But I want you to know that I DO LOVE YOU – from the bottom of my heart.  Never, ever take that for granted and always know that it is true.  There have been times in our lives that I have to admit that I might not have liked you right at that particular time and the feeling has probably been mutual at times for you; but I have always loved you.

 

I haven’t told you enough that I am proud of you, but I am.  You have both overcome some hardships.  Some of these have been brought on by yourself and some of them inflicted on you by other people.  But you both always seem to land on your feet – no matter how hard things are.  I know finances are tight for you now and I wish I was in a position to help you more.  But I can’t – I know it and you know it.  But, that doesn’t keep me from wishing I could.  I haven’t always made the wisest decisions financially.  Hopefully, you have learned from my mistakes.

 

Thank you so much for calling me today.  I knew I wouldn’t see either of you and that made me a little sad.  But then I would think of children that don’t even have a Mom to call.

 

I don’t want fancy gifts or cards from you.  Neither of you can afford them and they really aren’t necessary.  The calls were my gifts.  But, there is one thing both of you can give me.  I would like to know for sure that I am going to be with you in Heave one day.  You both say you are saved; but I really need to know that.  I don’t want to spend my eternity in Heaven, knowing that I didn’t do everything I possibly could to be sure that you would be there too.  We have a lot of people there waiting for us and I want us to join them one day.  I pray for both of you each and every day.  I ask God to keep you safe, bless your lives, find you good Christian wives, and to please draw you closer to Him.

 

I remember, several years ago, I was talking to Nancy Cahoon one day about how hard it was to take care of you all by myself.  I told her that I felt like I was butting my head against a brick wall and that I felt like I always had to put up a good front for you guys.  I always held my tears until I was in the shower and then lied to you, telling you I had gotten shampoo in my eyes.  I didn’t know that you – TJ – could hear Nancy and me talking until you came in the room where we were.  You were holding Raymond’s hand in yours and had tears in your eyes.  You looked at me and tried to smile and said, “Mom, I knew you were crying all the time.  I knew it wasn’t the shampoo because we all used Johnson’s baby shampoo.”  I couldn’t help but smile, thinking I had been hiding things from you and finding out I was not successful.  There have been other things I thought I was hiding from you, but in recent years, we have been able to talk about those things.  I am so sorry for being the disappointment that I must have been at times.  I guess you have seen that I am only human and mess up.

 

I treasure the relationship we have.  I really love the fact that your friends like being with your Mom.  I like being called a “cool Mom” by you and your friends.  But, most of all, I just love being your MOM.

 

I love you guys.  You are the reason Mother’s Day is special and you are the reason I am a special Mom.

 

Mom”

 

I would like to be able to say that I’ve never let my boys down or disappointed them since I wrote that email two  years ago; but that would be lie.  After all, like I said, I am human and I mess up.  But, I have come a long way in my spiritual life since sending that email.  I still have a great relationship with both of them.  It’s been almost three years since I’ve seen Ray, but we talk at least once a week and sometimes more often.  TJ and I talk several times a week.  Sometimes he is my sounding board.  If I’ve had a bad day at work and just need to vent, I give him a ring and he lets me spout off and then asks if I feel better. One of the things I asked for in the email above has happened.  TJ has a Christian wife, Amy.  She is his childhood sweetheart and is a very special lady. Ray will find his one day. I know I have not been the best Mother all the time.  But, I would not trade the name, MOM, for any other name in the world.

 

I want to take this opportunity to wish all you mothers “Happy Mother’s Day”.  I hope you have a wonderful day and if you aren’t able to spend the day with your family, I hope you are able to talk with them.  I won’t see either of my children today, but that’s okay.  I know I will hear from both of them.  I know they love me and never fail to let me know.  I am a very special Mom because I have two very special children that have made me one.  I also have some “adopted” children and grandchildren that are pretty special too.

 

I realize that some of you that get this email are not Moms and some of you aren’t women.  So, I want to wish you a very blessed day too.  And if your Mom is alive, give her a call today (if you aren’t going to see her) and tell her you love her.

 

 

Brenda

boutlaw@carolinaregion.com