The Real Truth About Growing Old

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie (or ice cream), or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 and 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love....I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be . And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

This is not original. It came to me through an email and I just wanted to share it.

Well, 2010 is almost a thing of the past. It's very quiet at my house. Haley and I are planning to see the New Year in....if we can manage to stay awake. It's been quite a few years since I have stayed up to see the end of one year and the beginning of another.

How I spend my New Year's Eve now is quite different from some I have had in the past. I can honestly say I can recall all of them as good memories...no regrets. I've spent some at dances, parties, once at the movie (watching Gone With the Wind), quiet dinner with a couple of friends, quiet evenings at home and at Watch Night services at my Church. One I clearly recall, December 31, 1999, Rick Olsen and I spent New Year's Eve carrying my son, Ray, and his friend back to Georgia. We had to pick him up on Christmas after his truck had broken down. He left the truck in Georgia and caught a ride to Columbia, SC. This was the New Year's Eve that we were predicted to loose all computers, etc. We left Manns Harbor about 2:00 AM, got to Georgia, Rick helped Ray fix his truck, ate some great southern barbecue and Rick and I headed back to NC. I never let the gas tank get below half full; all the stations had notices on the doors that they would be closing at 11:30 PM just in case their computers failed. Rick and I talked about how weird it would be if everything went dark at 12:00. But, as we all know, that didn't happen. We managed to get back to Manns Harbor in time for Rick to give his wife a New Year's kiss. Quite frankly, I don't want to relive that particular New Year's Eve.

New Year's Eve is also the anniversary of my marriage to Tommy, TJ's and Ray's dad. Even though the marriage ended, I have great memories and have thought about a lot of them today. Regardless of what happened between Tommy and me, I will always be thankful for my two wonderful sons that are a result of that marriage. They are two of the best things that have ever happened to me.

As I look back on 2010 I have to say I am not sorry to see it end. Some people will say I am just wishing my life away. But 2010 has been a very hard year for me, and I am ready for brighter days. A lot of things happened this year; some good and some bad. Just like in everyone's life. I wish I could go back and change some things, but I can't and I have to live with that. There are things I would like to say to some people; but the time for that is past. There are things I would like to have done; but let the opportunity slip by. I don't want that to happen to me in 2011.

I have worked hard all my life and for the past 26 years, have held two full-time jobs; sometimes three. That ended this year. This has changed quite a few things for me, especially financially. But, as I adjust to the difference in income, I find that most of the things I can't afford to do anymore aren't really that important anyway. It's amazing how easy you can adjust if you can just get it through your head what is important.

2010 was a hard year for me physically and emotionally. But for the Grace of God, I wouldn't be here tonight to write this. But God has been good to me and I am so thankful for that. I hurt my children, family and friends this year and I can't take it back. But I know I am forgiven; by God and them.

There have been some additions to my family this year. TJ got married in June to an absolutely wonderful woman. I had kinda given up on him ever getting married. He almost did several years ago; but it wasn't meant to be. I believe Amy is the woman he is supposed to have in his life. And when we got Amy, we also got a great young man named Josh. He just turned seven and is undoubtedly one of the smartest kids I have ever known.

Ray has had his ups and downs but right know his world is UP. He has renewed an old friendship that seems to make him very happy. I pray every day that Jesus will put a good Christian woman in his life. I am just trusting Him and leaving in it His capable hands.

I have renewed some friendships through Face Book this year. Two of these friendships were people I knew when I lived in Edenton, 38 years ago. I fought getting on Face Book for over a year, but I have to admit I was wrong. I thoroughly enjoy it. I don't get involved in any of the games; but I love being able to stay in touch with friends and family through it.

New Year's Eve is also a kinda bittersweet time for me. My Mama passed away on December 30, 1994 and we spent New Year's Eve that year planning a funeral. Her service was on January 1. The last 4 years of her life were hard and even though I miss her, I know she is in a much better place and I will see her and my Daddy again one day.

I can recall other New Year's Eve when I made resolutions...sometimes many and sometimes only one. Sad to say, I hardly ever kept them. Oh, I tried, for maybe a month or so. But I always failed. And I think that happens with everyone. I think most of the time the resolutions we make are unreasonable.

I have decided to make a few this year; but nothing unreasonable. I want to recognize more of the important things in life. I live right on the water in Manns Harbor and have the opportunity to see the most amazing sights every day. I have a pictures folder on my computer called "Scenery" and most of the pictures in it are taken from my front porch. I want to be a better Christian; have a better testimony and be a better example to the people around me. I am often reminded that I may be the only example of a Christian that some people see....I want to show them a great example. I want to remember to tell my children that I love them every time I talk to them. I know they know I love them but I want to tell them. This also applies to my grandchildren and the rest of my family. I want my friends to know how much I love them and how thankful I am to have them in my life. I want to do more work at my Church and to open my heart to whatever God has planned for me. See, none of these are unreasonable. They are really just basic fundamentals.

I have a great life, a great family, a great Church, a great Church family and a great, no an awesome God. I have so much to be thankful for. And I want 2011 to express those things in my life.

What do I want to see happen in 2011? Like so many others, I want world peace. But I am realistic enough to know that isn't going to happen. I would like to see a better economy, more jobs for those without one. I would like to see a world where no babies are killed in their mother's womb. I would like to see a world where no child is ever abused. I would like to have a President that is a Christian and that cares about my country. I would like for our military to be able to come home. I have no control over any of these things. I can only do my part and let God take care of the rest.

I don't want to end this post with such negative thoughts. So....I want to wish everyone that reads this a very Happy and Blessed New Year. I hope 2011 is everything that you need it to be. I wish you all the happiness in the world. But, most of all I hope you can find the hope of eternal life that I have. That is the greatest New Year's wish I could give you. Make that your New Year's resolution, follow through on it and I can guarantee you a better life. God Bless You!!

As I sit here and think about this post, I realize that the last hours of Christmas Eve have evolved into Christmas Day. It has been a good day. I am at Albemarle, spending Christmas with TJ, Amy and Hannah. The one thing that would make it better would be having Ray here too.

I love this time of the year...not for the reasons that some may think. Of course, I enjoy the gift giving and receiving, the good food, the music, etc. But, I just enjoy the feeling that the Christmas season brings. Everyone seems to be friendlier. Everyone is hugging everyone else and telling them "I love you". The air just seems to be full of good will. I love how my Church looks at Christmas. We have a Chrismon tree, flowers, greenery and my favorite, candles. I will really miss being at my Church Sunday. I missed last Sunday too because I was at my sister's house. I can't remember when I missed two Sundays in a row. I think Marie and Arvin will both be singing Sunday and I will miss hearing them. I love to hear both of them sing. Marie will most likely sing "Mary, Did you Know?" and Arvin will probably sing "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day".

I have a lot to be thankful for this Christmas. I have my family, a job that I really love, a great Church, some of the best friends in the world and I could go on and on. I guess I need to get to bed. I'm not really sleepy but tomorrow is going to be a long day.

I want to take this opportunity to wish all my friends a very Merry Christmas and I hope you all have a Happy and Blessed New Year.

Letter from Jesus about Christmas...

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary - - especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember.

I LOVE YOU,

JESUS

---

Candi - My Best Friend

 

It's been a while since I have put anything on my blog. I was sitting here playing a computer game, thinking about either reading or crocheting and decided instead to write something.

 

I have a really great friend named Candi. She is also my Pastor's wife. The first time we met, we just clicked. It was as if we had known each other all our lives. I have visited in their home in Smyrna three different times and have felt like it was my home. I was even able to take Haley with me each time and she was welcomed also.

 

Candi and I are very different in our looks. She is small and blond. I am tall and dark haired (well now it's silver, but it used to be black). Our personalities are very similar. We can finish each other's sentences and usually have very similar opinions about just about everything. Both of us are very emotional; it doesn't take much to make us cry.

 

We spent most of today together. We met at Church early this morning and did some cleaning. Then we stopped at Ace, Family Dollar, Home Depot, Walmart and Food Lion before we made our way back to Manteo. I was so tired when I got home, I just wanted to leave my stuff in the car. But of course, I couldn't do that--I had groceries.

 

We stopped at Sonic for lunch. We needed an energy boost so we could do the power shopping we had planned. When our order came, we were "arguing" about paying. The man that brought our order asked if we were sisters? Our first answer was no because we aren't. His comment was that we sure sounded like sisters. Then we told him that we might as well be. And that is the truth. I am the baby in my family and my siblings are 10, 12 and 15 years older than me. So, Candi is the younger sister I never had. And I love it. I get to be the older sister and tell her when she's out of line and should behave. She will know I am joking when she reads this. We just have a lot of fun together.

 

She is my confidant. It's nice to have a friend that can know ALL your secrets, dreams, desires, etc. and love you anyway. She never judges me. She never asks me to be anything other than what I am. We have laughed together and cried together. Sometimes the tears have been happy tears. I know she is always there for me. I knows she prays for me and my family every day as I do hers. She is a great mother and her children are blessed to have her. Her grandson, Charlie, is very special to her and he knows it.

 

She will probably be embarrassed that I chose to write about her; but she is a special friend and I wanted her to know it. Several months ago we took one of those silly surveys on Facebook to see what kind of animal we are. Just to show how much alike we are, our animal was a llama. So now she is Lilly Llama and I am Lucy Llama. Just more of the foolishness we enjoy together.

 

Physically, Candi has changed a lot since I first met her. But, not on the inside. She is a warm and loving person and I am truly blessed to call her my friend. I love you girl!

 

Albemarle Fall

I am visiting Amy and TJ in Albemarle and it is such a beautiful morning. The fall air is crisp, the sun is shining brightly and there is the unmistakable smell of farm in the air. If you've never lived on a farm or in the country, you don't know what I am talking about. It can't be described....it's just there.

I grew up on a farm and I have to admit that I wasn't too crazy about it. It was hard work; I mean really hard work. And it was all the time except for December, January and February. As Janet and I were driving to Albemarle yesterday, we talked about a lot of things. But I especially enjoyed talking about my time on the farm as a child. Janet had never experienced any of those things. TJ has told me several times I need to put all those memories on pen and paper and today, with the ease of posting things on a computer, I have decided I am going to do just that. It will be a slow process, mostly because I have a lot to tell. I had a great childhood, raised in a home with not a lot of material things, but a lot of love.

I'm not going to start the process today. I am on a little mini-vacation and really need to give it more thought. TJ and Amy had to go to the clinic to check on a horse that Amy had to operate on yesterday and get him ready to go home with his "parents". After that we are going to the storage shed and unload the trailer and Jeep and then do a little sightseeing and maybe a little shopping. Oh, we are also going to visit the alpaca and llama farm. I've already seen them, but Janet hasn't and she's excited. She also wants to find some old cookbooks and I'm sure TJ or Amy can find her a source. We had a great trip getting here yesterday, only getting worried a few times and are looking forward to a great day. Tonight we are going to visit the Maze of Terror. I'm not real sure how I feel about that. I don't do well with scary things; but we'll see. I'll post more about that later.

Wednesday night prayer service

Last night I attended the usual Wednesday night service at my Church. I have to admit I almost decided to not go. I am fighting a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection that is borderline pneumonia. But, one of the ladies I pick up in Wanchese called to be sure I was coming and I told her yes. And, I am so very glad I did.

Our service was anything but the usual Wednesday night service. We always take time for prayer requests, praise reports and anything else that needs to be mentioned. Sometimes each member will take a portion of our prayer list included in our Sunday bulletin and specifically pray for those items in addition to anything else mentioned. Sometimes we each have things that we have not mentioned, even as an unspoken request. Last night was something rare and special. There were several requests and praises; Pastor mentioned some of the items in the bulletin and especially our country, the military and our missionaries we have scattered all over the world. Some of these missionaries are in dangerous areas of the world; we have several in Mexico and in the Middle East. These missionaries lay their lives on the line every day in the process of doing the Lord's work. We always have time of quiet prayer and then Pastor Tyler will close the prayer time, praying aloud.

When Pastor Tyler returned to the podium and prayed, he thanked God for the reverence in the service and I can't remember his exact words, but used the words "time to be holy" in his prayer. The phrase stuck in my mind and I knew there is a hymn titled "Take Time to be Holy" so I decided to play that for the offering. After the prayer, Pastor Tyler asked if anyone had a song they would like us to sing and I called out "number 329". The words to the song are beautiful and just went with our prayer time like peanut butter and jelly. After we took the offering and I was returning to my seat, Pastor commented that "he was in a fix". I had looked at the clock as I was sitting down and it was a few minutes after 8:00 and we are usually out of church by 8:15. Pastor Tyler said his time was already up and he wasn't going to preach and hold us any longer. Anyone that knows a preacher knows that it is a rare thing for a preacher to not preach, irregardless of how long we might need to stay. But, his reasoning was valid and I'm sure God understood.

He asked if anyone had a testimony to share and several of us spoke. I commented on how there have been several times I have felt the presence of God in our services and that tonight was definitely one of those. It was so tangible I could almost touch it. And.....to use one of my absolute favorite words when it comes to describing the Lord...it was awesome.

When I left church last night, in all honesty, I wasn't feeling any better physically. But, spiritually, I was healed. I had been in one of the greatest prayer services, in my humble opinion, we have ever had in my Church and I was blessed to have been a part of it.