Good morning everyone. I hope you are staying warm wherever you are. It’s kinda dreary, wet and very chilly here in Manteo. When I let Haley out this morning about 6:30 it was sleeting in Manns Harbor but it had turned to rain by the time I left for work.
I was just looking at Facebook as I was eating my cereal. I never eat breakfast until I get to work. I don’t like to eat real early so after I get in and get lights and heat on, I take a few minutes for my cereal. I noticed a post from one of my friends; she was discussing the chores she had to do today; dishes and laundry. She also talked about digging out all the dirty clothes from her children’s rooms and how she found her son’s clothes behind his dresser, under the bed, etc. It reminded me of something I did several years ago….that’s why I chose my subject.
The kids and I moved to Manns Harbor in March 1988, right in the middle of tax season. I had one weekend to get moved, travel to Merry Hill to get my furniture (a huge U-Haul truck full) and get my home set up. I had purchased a mobile home, 14’ x 80’ and I was so proud of it. It was really pretty, wall papered walls instead of all dark paneling. Each of us had our own bedroom, although I guess Ray got the short end of the stick. Being the youngest, he got the smallest room and it was pretty small. Prior to moving to Manns Harbor, we had lived in Nags Head where I managed a Cottage Court for about 7 years in addition to my full time job as an accountant. My life was really busy and the boys were pretty good help, even though they were quite young.
After the move, I guess they thought since I didn’t have the cottage court to manage any more, their chores would cease. And, I have to admit for a while, they did. I really enjoyed keeping house. I like a clean house; I don’t care if there are toys in the floor, homework spread out, just the usual things strewn about from normal living; but I want it clean. Dirty dishes washed, beds made after you get up in the morning, wet towels hung over the shower bar, dirty clothes in the hamper….you get the picture. And I give the boys credit, they loved having a nice place to live so much that they were pretty good about keeping their rooms clean. Then, gradually, things began to change. Dirty clothes were left on the bedroom floor, dropped by the hamper in the bathroom, wet towels were left by the bed, ice cream bowl left on the bedside table…here again, you get the picture. Well, being the good Mom that I am, (ha-ha) I just cleaned things up, asked them to not do it again.
After a while, I decided things had to change. By this time, I was the treasurer/membership secretary of NCBBA and my spare time was almost nil. I told the boys they had to start doing better. They tried but evidently didn’t try hard enough for me. It would be better for a week or so, then right back to all the bad habits. I finally had it. I called them in the living room one night for a sit-down talk. They really hated those things. I told them starting that night, I was on strike. I would no longer do their laundry, would not cook for them, would not clean their room or bathroom for them. I would make sure there was food that they could either make a sandwich or cook something in the microwave. I was no longer their maid. The only things I would do? I would call them twice to get up for school – if that didn’t get them out of bed – cold water would. And they would go to Church with me. They couldn’t visit friends and friends couldn’t visit them. They just looked at each other like I had lost my mind and quite frankly, I probably had at that moment. TJ went to school the next day and told his friend Richard about it and they thought it was quite funny. It was hard for me to not take care of them. It’s just one of those things a mother does naturally; but I stayed strong. Now, I didn’t cook for myself either. I did the same thing they did – made a sandwich or fixed something in the microwave. I didn’t have the heart to fix myself supper and not fix something for them. On the Sunday following the meeting of the minds, some of my Church friends had found about it. Some of them supported me; some criticized me. But you know, none of them had to walk in my shoes and all of them had a husband to help with things at home…..I didn’t. I was a single parent.
This situation lasted about two weeks. TJ caved first—he couldn’t find clean clothes to wear to school. He came to me and told me he had realized what I did for them and he would be better about helping me. Did he mean that? Probably not – then. Ray held out the longest. He always was a stubborn little cuss. He more or less told me the same thing. Did he mean it? Again, probably not – then. They did do better. I never expected them to be perfect just more responsible. As time went on, they both helped me out a lot. During tax season when I might not get off work until between 7:00 and 8:00, they would have cooked supper, washed their dishes and left my dinner in the microwave. They started doing their own laundry. Was I being mean to my kids or abusing them? I honestly don’t think so. Children need to have responsibilities and learn that their parents are parents. We aren’t maids, drivers, banks, etc.
Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. I think this means all aspects of life. Are my children perfect? Absolutely not!! They don’t have a perfect Mom either. But they have grown up to be young men that know how to clean house, do laundry, sew on buttons, cook (although they probably learned that in self-defense since I am not a very good cook and don’t like to cook) and be very respectful of women. I am so blessed to have them and love them very much.
Have a great day everyone.
Brenda
boutlaw@carolinaregion.com
No comments:
Post a Comment